Rootless Wireless
I have just been listening to the Archers' Omnibus. Nothing so strange in that: assiduous Archers' listening is one of many markers of my determined descent into middle age, which by this criterion began when I was eleven (first ever plotline: Lizzie's abortion thanks to Cam the Cad. Gripping stuff). However, you will notice that it is not, as I write this, Sunday morning between 10 and 11.30am, so I have done a terrible thing and deviated from my strict regime of replicating scientifically the conditions of normal life by "tuning in" during the proper hours. Worse, I have realised that if it is possible to listen to the Archers Omnibus on my laptop during, say, a Wednesday evening in Toronto, then it is equally possible to listen to it on my laptop on a Wednesday evening while in the UK. This is a very wrong thing indeed.
The purpose of the Archers Omnibus is manifold. Firstly, it provides reassurance that Sunday morning has come around as expected and that you are still alive (there is sometimes room for serious doubt on this question on Sunday mornings). Secondly, it gives you something to listen to in the bath (Desert Island Discs is no good for this: you have overslept, you idle beast, DID is for making breakfast). Thirdly, it tells me that I have got the bed to myself for ninety minutes (my boyfriends having either despised the Archers and leapt from my embraces at the very sound of the theme tune, or else loved the Archers but made the error of being a church organist and so had to go to work). Fourthly, it allows you to smile wistfully at the parts you have already listened to during the previous week (ah, yes, here's the part where David attacks the treehouse) and reflect with alarm on what you could possibly have been doing which caused you to miss those parts you haven't heard (gosh, this church fete must have happened in Friday's episode when I was busy discussing Frege with that chap who spilt the snuff box over me, etc).
None of these offices of the Archers Omnibus is fulfilled by the sacrilegious practice of listening to it on a Wednesday evening. Doing so can only be viewed as a sign of the decline of all standards of moral and civilised life as we know it, reminiscent of the catastrophic demise of the Roman Republic (favourite line from undergrad marking this month: "It was not only perfumes which corrupted Rome, but also new ideas."). I think it is as well for my soul that I am within hours of my return to the land of reason, order and slavery to the vagaries of BBC scheduling. The laptop stays here.
The purpose of the Archers Omnibus is manifold. Firstly, it provides reassurance that Sunday morning has come around as expected and that you are still alive (there is sometimes room for serious doubt on this question on Sunday mornings). Secondly, it gives you something to listen to in the bath (Desert Island Discs is no good for this: you have overslept, you idle beast, DID is for making breakfast). Thirdly, it tells me that I have got the bed to myself for ninety minutes (my boyfriends having either despised the Archers and leapt from my embraces at the very sound of the theme tune, or else loved the Archers but made the error of being a church organist and so had to go to work). Fourthly, it allows you to smile wistfully at the parts you have already listened to during the previous week (ah, yes, here's the part where David attacks the treehouse) and reflect with alarm on what you could possibly have been doing which caused you to miss those parts you haven't heard (gosh, this church fete must have happened in Friday's episode when I was busy discussing Frege with that chap who spilt the snuff box over me, etc).
None of these offices of the Archers Omnibus is fulfilled by the sacrilegious practice of listening to it on a Wednesday evening. Doing so can only be viewed as a sign of the decline of all standards of moral and civilised life as we know it, reminiscent of the catastrophic demise of the Roman Republic (favourite line from undergrad marking this month: "It was not only perfumes which corrupted Rome, but also new ideas."). I think it is as well for my soul that I am within hours of my return to the land of reason, order and slavery to the vagaries of BBC scheduling. The laptop stays here.
posted by Scarlet at 3:56 am
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